Can someone please explain to me why dating in your forties is such a complete shitshow?
Seriously.
I’m 43 years old. I have a career, a teenager, dogs, bills, and enough responsibilities to keep me occupied until approximately 2047. You’d think finding someone to share life with wouldn’t be this complicated.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Apparently, that’s adorable.
Dating these days feels like a combination of job interviews, psychological evaluations, and trying to figure out whether someone actually likes you or is just bored on a Tuesday.
And don’t even get me started on dating apps.
Recently, I read something about how the person you’re meant to be with might not live within a fifteen-minute radius of your house.
And honestly? I couldn’t agree more.
When the hell did love become about convenience?
We’ll drive forty-five minutes to go shopping, sit in traffic for hours to attend a concert or sporting event, and travel across the country for vacation.
But someone who could potentially be an amazing partner lives an hour away?
Absolutely not. Too far.
Apparently, love now needs to come with free shipping and same-day delivery.
Listen, I understand we’re busy. We have careers, kids, houses, and routines. But isn’t finding someone you genuinely connect with worth a little effort?
I don’t want someone who chooses me because I happen to live ten minutes away. I want someone who chooses me because they genuinely want me in their life.
And lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what that actually means.
Because sometimes you meet someone and there’s just something about them.
You can’t explain it.
They make you laugh when you’ve had the worst day. You feel comfortable talking to them. Seeing their name pop up on your phone makes you smile.
And the chemistry?
Jesus Christ.
Sometimes one kiss can make you forget every logical thought you’ve ever had.
Which is fantastic when you’re a grown woman who is supposed to have her shit together.
But here’s something I’ve learned.
Having incredible chemistry with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have an incredible relationship.
And that’s a tough realization.
Because sometimes someone becomes far more important to you than you ever expected.
It’s not always about imagining some perfect future together. Sometimes it’s simply about how much you love having that person in your life.
The conversations that make a terrible day better. The laughter that comes so easily. The comfort of being yourself around someone.
And somewhere along the way, you realize you’ve fallen in love.
But here’s the part that hurts.
Sometimes someone can take up an enormous amount of space in your heart while you feel like you occupy only a tiny corner of theirs.
And maybe you don’t even realize how painful that imbalance is until you have to let it go.
Because you’re not just saying goodbye to the possibility of something more. You’re saying goodbye to the person.
The one who made you laugh. The one you wanted to talk to. The one whose presence had become something you looked forward to.
And suddenly you’re supposed to go about your day as though nothing has changed.
Go to work. Answer emails. Make dinner. Do laundry.
Meanwhile, your heart is breaking over someone you genuinely loved.
And perhaps the worst past is wondering whether losing you hurts then even half as much as losing them hurts you.
I don’t know how you measure something like that.
I don’t know whether two people ever feel exactly the same way about each other.
But I do know that loving someone doesn’t guarantee you’ll have the relationship you want with them.
And sometimes walking away isn’t about no longer wanting someone in your life.
It’s about realizing how painful it has become to want a place in theirs.
And let me tell you, that realization fucking hurts.
Especially when you genuinely miss the person.
I wish I could tell you that being 43 means I’ve mastered handling heartbreak.
Unfortunately, my heart apparently didn’t attend the same life-skills classes as the rest of me.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could unsubscribe from feelings?
Just click a button, confirm your cancellation, and never randomly think about someone while folding laundry ever again.
I’d pay for the premium version.
But life doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes you have to accept that something isn’t going to work out the way you hoped, even when part of you wishes it had.
And no, I don’t have some beautiful inspirational lesson about how everything happens for a reason.
Honestly, sometimes I hate that saying.
Sometimes things just hurt. You miss someone, you question things, and you keep going because what other choice do you have?
But despite all of this, I still believe in love.
I still believe there’s someone out there who wants the same things I do. Someone who wants the laughter, the affection, the ordinary Tuesday nights, and everything in between.
Someone who doesn’t think an hour-long drive is a major sacrifice requiring a passport and three days of preparation.
Maybe he’s fifteen minutes away. Maybe he’s an hour away. Maybe he’s currently wandering around Target wondering why dating is so damn complicated.
Sir, please figure it out. We’re not getting any younger.
I don’t need a perfect relationship. I don’t need grand romantic gestures every weekend or someone who agrees with everything I say.
I just want something genuine.
Someone who makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, and wants to build a life together.
Because at this point, I’ve learned that butterflies are wonderful, chemistry is amazing, and a great kiss can make you forget your own name.
But none of that matters nearly as much as having someone who genuinely wants to be there.
And apparently, finding that person is a lot harder than finding someone who lives fifteen minutes away.
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