Apparently I’m the Adult

I would like to formally request a refund for whatever dating experience I was assigned in my 40s.

Because this is ridiculous.

At this point in my life, I have a career. I have a home. I raised a child who is somehow now taller than me. I went back to school and got an MBA. I pay bills, manage people, keep dogs alive, and generally function as a responsible adult.

And yet somehow, finding one normal man to go to dinner with feels like the most difficult thing I’ve ever attempted.

And I got an MBA.

Dating Apps: Where Hope Goes to Die

Everyone tells you the same thing.

“You have to put yourself out there!”

Okay.

I AM OUT THERE.

I have been on Hinge I have been on Bumble. I have sent likes. I have changed pictures. I have rewritten prompts. I have stared at my profile wondering if there is some secret message hidden in it that says “Please do not match with this woman.”

Nothing.

I can send 30 likes and get approximately zero matches.

ZERO.

Meanwhile, I open the section showing the men who have liked me and….

Listen.

I’m trying to be a good person.

I really am.

But apparently the dating pool has a shallow end, and mine is filled with dead fish.

I said what I said.

And Then Match Banned Me

Because apparently my dating life wasn’t already humbling enough, I decided to try Match and even paid for it.

Maybe this would be different.

Maybe people paying for a dating site would be a little more serious.

Maybe THIS would finally be where I met someone.

You know what Match did?

BANNED ME.

Yes.

Me.

The woman who works in HR.

The woman whose idea of living dangerously is probably buying tickets to a baseball game.

Banned from Match.

And before you ask what I did….

NOTHING.

Everything on my profile was me. My pictures were me. My information was real I wasn’t scamming anyone. I wasn’t pretending to be a 27-year old influencer living on a yacht.

I was just trying to find a date.

Apparently that was suspicious activity.

At this point, getting banned from a dating site without actually doing anything wrong feels extremely on-brand for my dating experience.

I can’t get a match…

but I can get banned from Match.

Fantastic.

“You’ll Meet Someone When You Least Expect It.”

Can we retire this sentence?

Please?

Because prople in relationships LOVE saying this.

“You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.”

“Stop looking and it’ll happen.”

“It happens when the timing is right.”

Okay, but WHERE?

Because unless my future husband is hiding somewhere between Target and my couch, we’re going to need a little more of a plan here.

I work.

I go home.

I spend time with my son, family and friends.

I go to concerts.

I watch baseball.

I occasionally go out.

And despite what romantic comedies have led us to believe, attractive, emotionally available single men do not regularly crash their shopping carts into mine at the grocery store.

I’ve checked.

The Problem Is, I Actually Like My Life

Here’s where dating in your 40s gets complicated.

I’m not looking for someone because I need someone.

I’ve already built a life.

I have a career I’m proud of. I have my son. I have my family and friends. I have my dogs. I have a home. I have goals. I have things I love doing.

I can go to dinner alone. (I won’t)

I can buy my own concert tickets.

I can handle my own problems.

I don’t need someone to rescue me.

And I definitely don’t need someone to complete me.

I’m already a whole person.

What I want is someone who adds to the life I already have.

Someone to laugh with.

Someone who wants to go do things.

Someone who can handle sarcasm and give it right back.

Someone who has his own life but want to make room for me in it.

Someone who communicates like an adult.

Someone who’s looking for something real.

Apparently this is an unreasonable list of demands.

And I’m Not 25 Anymore

At 25, you can meet someone and figure everything out together.

At this age?

We all come with stuff.

Kids. Exes. Careers. Mortgages. Schedules. Habits. Baggage. Very specific thermostat preferences.

We’ve lived entire lives before meeting each other.

And somehow two people have to take all of that and figure out whether their lives actually fit together.

That’s HARD.

Then add dating apps, texting, ghosting, situationships, people who “aren’t sure what they’re looking for,” and grown adults who apparently think communication means sending “hey” every three days or asking for your snapchat name.

Sir.

We are in our 40s.

Use your words.

Being Independent Is Great Until You’re Dating

I love being indpendent.

I’ve worked hard for the life I have.

But sometimes I wonder whether being independent makes dating harder.

Because I’m not willing to accept someone just because I don’t want to be alone.

I’ve already learned how to be alone.

And I’m actually pretty good at it.

So if I’m going to make space in my life for someone, it needs to be for the right person.

Not someone who gives me anxiety.

Not someone I have to chase.

Not someone who can’t communicate.

Not someone who makes me question where I stand.

And definitely not someone I have to convince to want me.

I want the kind of relationship where both people show up becuase they actually want to be there.

That shouldn’t feel revolutionary.

Yet here we are.

The Part That’s Actually Hard

I can joke about the apps.

I can joke about the dead-fish dating pool.

I can absolutely joke about getting banned from Match because that one is going to be funny forever.

But the truth?

Dating can be lonely.

It’s hard to keep putting yourself out there when nothing seems to happen.

It’s hard when you swipe and swipe and don’t see anyone you’re excited about.

It’s hard when you send likes and get nothing back.

And it’s especially hard when you genuinely feel ready for something good.

Because I am.

I’m not looking for games.

I’m not trying to collect dates.

I’m not looking for someone to text me for three weeks then disappear into the witness protection program.

I’d like to meet my person.

There. I said it.

I want the relationship.

I want the concerts together.

The baseball games.

The random weekend plans.

The dinners.

The laughing until your stomach hurts.

The person you call when something amazing happens – and the person you want next to you when life isn’t so amazing.

I want all of that.

I just don’t want it badly enough to settle for the wrong person.

And maybe that’s why this takes longer.

Apparently I’m Still Dating

So yes.

Dating in your 40s sucks.

The apps are exhausting.

My match rate is apparently somewhere around the Powerball odds.

The fish in my dating pool appear to require immediate medical attention.

And I’ve somehow been banned from Match without ever actually getting a match.

Honestly, that’s impressive.

But underneath all the sarcasm, I’m still hopeful.

Maybe I’ll meet someone on an app.

Maybe I’ll meet someone at a concert.

Maybe I’ll finally have that grocery-store-cart collision everyone seems convinced is going to happen.

I have no idea.

What I do know is that I’ve built a life I really like.

I’m not putting that life on hold while I wait for someone to show up.

I’ll keep going to concerts.

I’ll keep watching the Dodgers.

I’ll keep spending time with the people I love.

I’ll keep doing the things that make me happy.

And yes, I’ll probably keep swiping.

Because apparently I’m still optimistic enough to believe there might be one living fish left in this damn pond.

He just better hurry up.

I’m getting tired of swiping. 😂